forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
