too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
