Nicole vs. Life
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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