I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
