Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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