He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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