where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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