he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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