There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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