I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sorry about my life...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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