I wannas sexs uuuuu
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
