guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
