Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
