C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
