I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dick very happy bro
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
