I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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