Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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