Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
