I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
