Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
