Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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