Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I lost the right to judge tonight
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
