Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
