I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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