I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
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Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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