Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
