The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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