I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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