my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
