Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize