There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
