I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i will never coherently bang her
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
