I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
