That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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