I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
