You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
