I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
