And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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