why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
there is glitter all over my balls
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
