i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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