bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
