At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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