He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
