the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
