They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
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Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
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He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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