I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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