Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
