I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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