Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
