he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can vaginas get frostbite?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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