There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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