You're completely useless in the revolution.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
