A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Operation Purity has been aborted
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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