The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
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As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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