last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
