You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
whose parrot is this?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
