a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
A bitchslap is in order.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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