he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
