She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
