I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
