does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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