oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
