That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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