If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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