I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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