.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
