She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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