from now on my penis is your penis
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
