so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
