just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
