so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
