you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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