it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it's like heaven, but drunker
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
