i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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