I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
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going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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