You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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