you guys were way drunker than both of me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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