this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
