Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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