Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
operation harelip BJ is a go
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
