Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
