I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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