Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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