he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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